Friday, June 17, 2011

When mother's turn monsters

They say " Because god couldn't be everywhere, he made mothers " . Motherhood is a very important part of most women's life . I know women who say that they were put on this earth to be mothers. I too feel like one of them, the day the doctors handed that tiny little delicate darling in my hands is the most memorable day of my life, I was changed in an instant, never to go back to what I was before that moment . Everything inside me felt like protecting this vulnerable, defenseless little baby in my hands, the world was a bad place, and only I could keep her safe . I imagine, this is close to what other mothers feel as well, it's part of being a new mother, part oxytocin gushing through your brain doing it's job .

Then you get home,  reality hits that life with a baby isn't easy at first, midnight feedings, lack of sleep, crying baby, it's painful and difficult to deal with . Eventually you get back some semblance of routine, and get a life back....and inspite of all this most women, wanna do it all over again ...for some it's several times again, incredible!! That's because, inspite of all the hard work, physical pain, and other troubles mothers have to go through, pales in comparison to the feeling of being a mom, one look, one smile from your baby, and the world melts into oblivion, with all it's problems. Mothers will go through any amount of troubles to protect and comfort their child .
What then can cause a mother to snap and go off the handle to such an extent that she could take the life of her own offspring. All of these thoughts have come to me because of a very talked off murder case on tv right now, where a mother is charged with the murder of her baby girl .
The Casey Anthony trial for the death of little Caylee Anthony is just heart breaking to watch . I can understand why it has caught so much attention . For most people this is an unfathomable scenario , a mother taking the life of her own offspring. The protector, becomes the destroyer !! Unimaginable situation.
In case there's someone out there, reading this, who doesn't know what I'm talking about, read this .
The trial is currently on tv, and I like many others can't stop watching it . It is disturbing on so many levels .
Why would a mother not report a missing child to authorities for over a month ??
Who was searching for ways to make chloroform at home on the family computer at the anthony home ??
If there was no Zenaida or zanny the nanny, then where would caylee be all those times that casey said she had left caylee with zanny ??
Was zanny a short form for xanax ? Was casey using xanax as a way to knock caylee out when she went out partying , and then she ran out of it, decided to make chloroform instead, and accidentally overdose little caylee, killing her ??
Why did casey continually lie to police about zanny, her whereabouts, and kept leading them on dead ends, if she wasn't involved with caylee's death ??

These are some of the questions plaguing the minds of many viewers like me, who are watching this case currently. Some of the questions we may never get answers to, since casey may never take the stand, and even if she does, she's one heck of a liar, she might just lie under oath .
One more reason this case is so sad for me is because that beautiful child caylee ( may her soul R.I.P) was exactly my daughter's age now, when she went missing, just a little bit shy of 3 years , and to me she kinds looked like my baby too....the same cute smile, same innocence, all this makes the case very difficult for me to watch....but yet I'm glued, it's like a car-wreck, I don't wanna see it, but can't look away either .
For me this trial reminds me so much of another high profile trial, not too long ago that took the nation by storm ...The Laci peterson murder and the trial of her husband Scott Peterson accused for the murder of laci and her unborn child . In both cases, the defendent was a young, attractive person, with an apparent sociopathic personality type , who felt that the people in their life were holding them back from enjoying life fully, both were completely circumstancial cases, there was no dna evidence, no actual theory of cause of death, and the bodies of both victims, were found months later, in advanced decomposed state, making it difficult to run forensic tests. While scott peterson, met his fate, when the guilty verdict was handed out, what happens in this case remains to be seen.
In my heart, I feel that casey either killed her knowingly, or accidently, but she was the reason caylee died, and I just hope caylee gets justice in this matter .
This case makes one think, how can a mother become so desperate, crazy, selfish, whatever, so as to take the life of her own child  ?
In casey's case, she become a mother at a very young age, didn't wanna keep the baby, but casey's mother didn't allow the baby to be put up for adoption, and as a result casey became a single mom at a very young age, ( the identity of little caylee's father is unknown).
This isn't the first case of a mother being accused of killing her child, we have seen the cases of andrea yates, susan smith, diane downs to name a few, but casey;s case somehow seems the most bizzare and mind boggling of all, mainly because all of the lies that she told right from the get go in this case . Why would any innocent person, do that ? I can't come up with a reason, none .
The defense has come up with a theory that caylee drowned in the pool, and casey and her father covered it up, and that casey was sexually abused by her father for years, and hence got used to coverups and lies. This theory is lame at best, not to mention, baseless, there's no proof of it, at all .
My heart really goes out to casey;s parents cindy and george anthony in this matter, their daughter has made their lives into a circus, and they are truly between a rock and hard place, they lost their precious grandbaby, and now their daughter is on trial, possibly fighting for her own life, if she gets the death penalty. It can't be a good place to be in . I just hope they get their closure with this trial, and can go back to their lives, and most importantly caylee gets justice .


  1. The two lines that really struck me (for very different reasons):

    - it's part of being a new mother, part oxytocin gushing through your brain doing it's job .

    - The protector, becomes the destroyer !!

  2. "When the protector becomes the destroyer" - well I guess in Hindu culture, mother goddesses are both!

    I'm not familiar with the trial and I don't at all want to excuse the mother involved.
    Just going from other 'mother-murder' trials in Australia, where the mums have come from abusive families and husbands and very isolated social backgrounds, there seems to be a blurry line between personal pathology and extreme social breakdown where the mother has absolutely nobody else to turn to for support. In most cultures, motherhood is so romanticised and idealised that while women have an infinite number of culturally-sanctioned ways to express their love for their child, there are not as many ways of venting out the frustrations of motherhood. In South Asia, at least women have more family support in raising a child, and also they have that mother-goddess culturally sanctioned archetype where they can be wrathful and vengeful and still be considered a loving, good mother - anger and frustration is not, in the Hindu cultural imagination, categorically opposed to perfect motherhood. (Talk about mother goddesses being everywhere...!! I'm thinking mainly here of my own mum, who doesn't at all think that being selfish, vengeful and extremely melodramatic towards her children when it comes to expressing her frustrations shows a lack of love). I think in the west it's easier for mums to feel isolated and overwhelmed. Not that this excuses murder - I'm just trying to explore different cultural expectations of motherhood and the associated cultural tools women have to handle these expectations. Mothers are not only more socially isolated, there aren't that many traditional cultural archetypes of vengeful mothers which could kind of help people express the inevitable and very human frustrations of being a parent. And thus by expressing it, actually having their frustration pubically affirmed and ultimately letting it go. Catholicism has the Virgin Mother, but she is so perfect and pure and mild and never angry that she became a mother without even losing her virginity! And traditional Protestant Christianity seems to have ejected almost all aspects of the feminine from their concept of God.
    Anyway now I’m getting off-track...the question of societal and cultural expectations of mothers is very interesting. Thanks for a thought-provoking post :)

  3. @ sara, interesting that those 2 stuck out to you.
    What were the reasons ??? If you'd care to share ...

  4. @ taswin12, very interesting comment.
    I plan to have another detailed post regarding mothering style differences in western culture, versus Indian culture sometime later, and will certainly take all your points into account. The topic of motherhood and raising kids is something very close to me, since it's an ongoing thing in my life currently, so that difference constantly presents itself, and needs a whole separate post to do justice to the topic.

  5. The first quote was comical -- your juxtaposition of romanticized motherhood and unsentimental biology! Like Taswin points out, motherhood is idealized in our culture, and it can be difficult to break out of that pat idealization without being accused of feminazi-ism or some other such heartlessness.

    The second is a powerfully succinct statement of why child abuse is so painful, for victims and witnesses. It's the betrayal of such a vulnerable being, by the person who is thought of as the being's ultimate benefactor, especially in cultures that are increasingly child-focused (i.e., families and culture revolve around needs and desires of children more than ever) and social-justice-focused (i.e., we care about compassionate treatment of all vulnerable persons).

    I like Taswin's points about the effects of isolation and pressure (and I think "mommy blogs" are an impressive tool for fighting them, because it is less censored and allows new moms to find a good community fit even across distances), and look forward to your mothering style posts!

  6. Yes I'm looking forward to your mothering styles post too :)
    Sara I've never heard the term 'feminazi-ism', sounds very harsh!

  7. Sara, very nice analysis !!
    I too have never heard the term!!

  8. Yes, I'm not sure how the rest of the world is, but in the US, MANY women refuse to identify as "feminist" because that term has been radicalized (I believe it was Pat Roberts, uber-conservative Christian TV personality, who said that feminists were into wicca and leaving husbands and killing babies and doing more crazy stuff). It's almost like a sense that if you're a feminist, you want TOTAL POWER and can't have a loving relationship or be a good mother, so if you want to be a kind person you can't be a feminist and you're militant about everything being pro-women (and are probably either lesbian or so un-feminine that no man will want you). It's especially hard for men to identify as feminist. I really started identifying strongly as feminist after hearing Jessica Valenti (of speak at my college about her book ( and realized that I could be as girly (or not girly) as I wanted and still be a feminist.

    Oh, and I'm also not sure if this happens in other countries, but in the US we like to link anything we object to to Nazis. Then our opponents will be afraid to continue arguing, for fear of appearing to be a Nazi. We're super advanced and mature like that.

  9. the verdict is in, and it's a not guilty verdict on all of the felony charges (murder, manslaughter, aggravated child abuse), all of them, she did get guilty verdict on the lesser charges of lying to police, but that's not even a consolation prize, I could've have even understood a verdict of guilty for manslaughter, but this is unbelievable, absolutely unbelievable. I have always been a little skeptical of the jury system, (we don't have it India) and to me it seems like a flawed system....this case and the OJ simpson case adds to my skepticism. I might blog about this topic separately on another I'm just in complete and utter shock, over the fact that caylee's death went un-avenged. I'm sure casey will walk free on thursday (since the time she's already served can be counted towards the lesser charges) and then go on to sign book deals and what not, and mint money out of the tragedy her daughter went through...I'm just terribly saddened by this...beyond words. I hope caylee's soul rests in peace....:(


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